As I’ve grown up, I’ve come to learn just how sheltered I was as a child. My mom did a great job of being honest and real with the adolescent me, while still conveying information in an easy to digest, age-appropriate manner. And I greatly appreciate her for that. I’m certain that her ability to be fairly transparent with me about the world we’re living in and our place in it has allowed for us to have and maintain the close relationship we’ve had over the years. I love that for us.

But even with her transparency, there were soooo many things that I didn’t understand about our world until I saw it from more mature eyes. First, from the perspective of an adult on her own for the first time, trying to make sense of the whole adulting thing. Then, from the perspective of an adult with the two most important responsibilities she’d get in life — two beautiful, kind, and innocent children.

Once I had my first child, my life changed drastically. My son showed me how to find my voice. He reminded me of my importance to this world. He encouraged me to do things I never would’ve had the strength to do in my former mindset. His autism diagnosis brought about even more compassion and drive to make the world safer and more conducive for his growth. But his diagnosis also made me open my eyes and see the world in a way I’d never seen it before — dangerous. Fast. Selfish. Gross. Unaccepting. And having to figure out how to protect him and my daughter from the hot mess express that is Earth immediately sent me into a tailspin that, frankly, I’m still figuring my way out of.

I fell into a deeply anxious and depressing hole. Scared to leave home out of fear that we may not make it back. Scared to interact with my city out of fear that we may be judged for living differently or because of the color of our skin. Scared that I was letting my children down by keeping them home all the time. But I was truly afraid of doing anything because my mission was to protect my children and raise them into amazing, well-rounded human beings. How could I do that if I didn’t even know what I was protecting them from? And, to be fair, I was only 23 when I first became a parent. I still didn’t even know the surface level of just how sinister things could get — how can I protect someone else when I don’t even fully know how to protect myself?

But then I realized that I can have a hand in how I want the world my kids live in to look. I can add in some of the positivity I want them to experience. I can add in some of the kindness and understanding that I want them to have. I can implement some of the consideration, honesty, fairness, and importance that I want them to feel. And I can do that by raising them to be all of those things. I can do that by surrounding them with people who feel the way I feel.

But the best way I can also do that is by being all of those things myself.

“Be the change you wish to see.”

That’s the quote I choose to live by. And I understand that it won’t happen overnight, if it happens at all. Most days, I struggle with being someone who is approachable, understanding, patient, thoughtful, compassionate. I’m not always kind, non-judgemental, or fair. But I firmly believe that trying my best to be those characteristics is me being the change.

Rather than preach to people all day about how they need to be the change they wish to see, I’m more the type to just walk the walk.

I’ve started interacting more with my community — one that is mostly working class, African American citizens. Some who have lived there for decades, like myself and my family. Others who are new to the area. Singles, couples, elderly, kids. Our community definitely has its fair share of issues, but through it all, I’ve learned to recognize and appreciate the beauty of my city. A city that once embarrassed me is one that I’m actually proud of now. Why?

Because my city breeds intelligent, caring, kind, and amazing Black engineers, doctors, firemen/women, law enforcement, entrepreneurs, teachers, designers, leaders — you name it, we have it. It’s a community full of people who exude excellence. But unfortunately, the Black community has been struggling with internal separation as a result of deeply-rooted effects of slavery. This division breeds colorism, distrust, the upholding of stereotypes, and ultimately, self-hatred. It’s hurtful to see.

And I refuse to partake in it. I refuse to have my children grow up in an environment full of people that refuse to uplift them. So I have no choice but to be the change that I wish to see, in hopes that others will follow suit and that I’ll connect with neighbors who feel the same. It’s that simple. And it’s already working.

Making the world a better place simply isn’t a single-person job. It takes a village. A movement. A world of people who want to see and do better. And it has to start with consensus in terms of what we want that to look like. And because autism is so close to my heart, I’m choosing to focus my energies there. I’m choosing to help usher in a new understanding and acceptance of autism. What it looks like. How it sounds. What it means.

So I created ‘Tism Things and The Shop by ‘Tism Things. These aren’t just a reflection of my passions, but rather a vision of how I’d like the world to look for our kids, our kids kids, and so on.

‘Tism Things is part of how I can be the change I wish to see. How can you be the change you wish to see?

Together, we can improve today to create a beautiful tomorrow.

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About the Author

Alexandra is the founder of the ‘Tism Things platform and owner of online business The Shop by ‘Tism Things. A proud stay-at-home wife and mama to two amazing, smart, and empowered littles, Alexandra frequently spends her time learning about autism and ADHD, its effects on families and caregivers, and ways to support individuals with either or both conditions. Driven by her son and husband’s autism and ADHD diagnoses, Alexandra prides herself on employing creative methods to adapt her household into one that welcomes people of all neurological types, aiming to foster a sense of inclusivity, understanding and acceptance among anyone’s path she crosses.

When she’s not in a ’tism rabbit hole on the internet or playing with her babies, she’s likely out shopping, cooking something yummy, helping out her grandparents, or out in the garden trying to keep her plants alive in this Georgia heat. Honestly, probably that last one.

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